Monday, October 26, 2009

...such is as common to man...

Hooray, its "l'infidélité"!

The last Ensign (September) had a very interesting article on "emotional fidelity." However, I have two quibbles:

1. "[S]top thinking in terms of emotional infidelity and instead use the phrase, 'spiritual fidelity.'" Ten-yard penalty for totally pointless semantic change. Spiritchal fidelity: essenchal vocabilary to priserving your spatial rilashunships. (That text was recorded in the Valley Dialect of the language of Deseret.)

2. "As Paul warned, 'Abstain from all appearance of evil.'" Fifty-yard penalty for repeated and vicious misuse of Thessalonians! Honestly, folks, this mistranslation has been in currency for waaaay too long. Hypothetical: You're driving home from church. It's raining. You see the Relief Society President walking along the side of the road. Do you stop to pick her up? Answer: NOOOOO!!! Your first responsibility is to avoid the "appearance of evil." In fact, just to be safe, run her down with your Suburban. Nothing says "I'm faithful to my spouse" like blood on the grille. Be sure not to miss next week's discussion: Strengthening Your Marriage Through Manslaughter.

Other than that, it wasn't terrible.


Bryce said...

What if you get lipstick on the grille?

Latter-Day Guy said...

You just have to honk early enough so they have time to turn toward you, and then try to run away––then BAM! Honk too late and you can end up with embarrassments like lipstick and/or lips in the grille. Technique is key.

Shelli said...

You've clearly thought this through quite a bit, my friend. If you were walking home in the rain I'd kindly wave as I drove by, pretending to fling something out the window for the casual observer, but you'd know it was for you.

Liked the dialect, by the way.